The Chemistry of Connection: How the Oxytocin Response Can Help You Find Trust, Intimacy, and Love
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In the s and 60s, glamour photographer Ed Braslaff shot his share of celebrities—including Elvis, Marilyn Monroe and Groucho Marx—but he also shot hundreds of starlets, B-girls and wannabes. Braslaff never stopped shooting. His outtakes capture his models in unguarded moments, revealing a grittier, more honest view of the women vying for stardom.
Oxytocin is the brain chemical that lets us love, trust and mate. His or her ability to form deep connections with other people depends on the earliest experiences, beginning in the womb.
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Oxytocin Parenting is an approach that helps you use your natural inclinations to create a warm, safe connection with your baby and, as she grows, shape her neural connections so she learns how to love and trust appropriately and safely. Writing doesn't have to be lonely. It made creative writing less separate from my day-job writing, made me feel more "professional" about it. I have really terrible handwriting.
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I've got a couple travel journals that I literally cannot read. And, I find it physically uncomfortable to write.
This Is Your Brain On Love » Page 2 of 2 » Brain World
But I'm an excellent typist. Being able to write fast and, even better, move things around on the screen, takes the most awful labor out of the process. My teachers would humiliate me in front of the class and, as I realize now, tacitly incite the other kids to do the same. Unfortunately, this was the power of language used against me.
And it's made it very difficult for me to speak up. Even now, in certain situations, that gets triggered. These days, I try to throw praise around as much as I can, because I've learned that we all need it, crave it. It's the best way to help people succeed. Okay, then Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris. Yes, it was a huge movie and a best seller when it was published. It has a huge, juicy story. But what might be underappreciated is Harris' characters.
- Susan Kuchinskas discusses and signs "The Chemistry of Connection";
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There are no spear carriers in this book. Everyone has a compelling backstory and a subplot that's resolved at the end. And, if you read closely, he even has compassion for the serial killer, who, like all serial killers, suffered abuse as a child. Sometimes it's the bees; right now, it's the drama of the monarch caterpillars on the milkweed.
What is the link between love and oxytocin?
So maybe my spirit animal is … insects? I have three unpublished novels and a memoir sitting around. I actually think they're pretty good, but agents and publishers have disagreed.
With all the tools to self-publish and distribute your work, there is no excuse for my not getting them out into the world. Then, I have three published books, one from the s about mobile apps for business; Chemistry of Connection; and Chimera Catalyst. I just finished the sequel to Chimera,Singularity Syndrome. So, I have absolutely no unfinished books! Weird feeling that doesn't come too often. Cheri: What does literary success look like to you? Other times, I am so grateful that someone has read something I've written.
It's very hard not to compare myself to others. I need to dance that line between ambition—the drive to do better, which is important—and envy, which can kill creativity. Cheri: What do you feel is the best way to market your books? I don't do Facebook ads, but just participating and letting people know about what I'm doing. Pandamoon Publishing, my publisher, does a lot of organic Twitter promotion.
It's hard for me to get a sense of how that works. I did a lot of outreach to book bloggers and reviewers, and I think that is a very important way to spread the word. Cheri: What kind of research do you do, and how much time do you typically spend researching before beginning a new book? Singularity Syndrome is about artificial intelligence and the microbiome—the community of organisms that live in the human gut. So, I tracked news about that research, as well as keeping an eye on the constant news about AI.
What is oxytocin?
And Google is a wonderful thing. As I write, I'll look stuff up.
Cheri: How do you select the names for your characters? As I read these, I collect interesting or resonant names and paste them into a file. I'll mix and match the first and last names, so that I'm not using any one person's real name. However, when I started Chimera Catalyst, I didn't do that: I used a real person's first and last name for the character of Miraluna Rose. After it was accepted by Pandamoon Publishing, I asked that person if it was okay.
She wasn't comfortable with it, so I came up with Miraluna Rose which has similar rhythm and vowels, plus the same evocative flavor. Cheri: Do you hide secrets or Easter Eggs in your books for people to find? His protagonist has a personal assistant that's like a modern smartphone.